My Struggle for the Truth

My Personal Struggle for Truth (Part 1)

At about the age of 18 I started a long and arduous spiritual journey to find the truth about God. I grew up in church, but a lot of what I had been told didn’t make sense. The gospel that I was taught didn’t intuit well – it made no sense. I saw people come to church on Sunday and live like the Devil the rest of the week, and we were supposed to believe that they were children of God and even elders in the church. It makes no sense that you can live anyway you like and not offend a holy God.

I was taught that salvation required no works. In fact to think that you had to do anything to procure salvation was evil. All one had to do to be saved was to sincerely pray the sinner’s prayer.

I heard and saw people pray the sinners prayer and they didn’t make any changes their lives. Obviously they didn’t have any faith in God or Jesus other than that he possibly existed; but because they prayed the sinner’s prayer the pastor or other religious leader would pronounce them miraculously “saved.” Sometimes this rite of the church was such a farce that the saved person himself didn’t even believe that he was saved and didn’t understand what he had just said. Not to worry, we were taught that salvation was so wonderful the carnal mind could not fathom it, and these were new citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Like so many other Christians, I believed what I was taught about salvation until one night I saw a great travesty. A woman had come to the church. She was the mother of a young lady that attended the church. The woman, who’s name escapes me, was from a Pacific Island, barely spoke any English, and if she wasn’t a little mentally ill at the very least she was simple minded.

Her Daughter had a great desire to see her mother saved, so when the Pastor made an alter call that evening, the daughter helped her mother to the front of the church. After a few moments at the front of the church, the mother, the daughter, myself and possibly some others were directed into a room off the main sanctuary where we could spend some time with the woman.

I’m not really sure what the woman understood about God, about Jesus, or about religion in general. To my mind, it seemed like she understood nothing about God (although because of the language barrier, I may have gotten the wrong impression). Our time with the woman centered on getting her to recite the Sinner’s Prayer and have faith. She belligerently resisted for at least 20 minutes, but the crowd’s desire to see her “saved,” and the fact that her daughter was in anguish for her mother’s unrepentant soul caused people to persist. The poor woman was encouraged and badgered with words such as, “Don’t you want to go to heaven?” “All you have to do is say this prayer with us, and you will go to heaven,” or, “just have faith in Jesus, that’s all you need.”

Finally, I think they told her just to say, “Jesus,” and she would be saved. As I remember it, the woman finally repeated whatever the group wanted her to repeat, and there was exuberant praise because another soul had been added to the Kingdom.

I was less than convinced by the conversion. I don’t think she had saving faith at all. I doubt that a soul was added to the Kingdom that night, and I don’t see that God was glorified by our actions.

In fact this night has haunted me like Poe’s Raven, constantly causing me to question the instructions that we give sinners.

John Wheeler

PS, I will post Part II soon